Photo by VicWe've all been there. Sometimes life is tough and you feel like the whole world is against you. At these points in time, it's easy to start feeling sorry for yourself. Once you start feeling sorry for yourself it can be hard to get yourself back into the driver's seat and moving forward with your life. Before you know it you've slipped into a sad, sad place and as the Japanese would say, "Your soul has caught a cold".
Below is some inspiration on how to get yourself out of victim mode.
Remember you are not alone: There are people out there who care about you. There are other people who have either been through or are going through something similar. For those spiritual ones amongst you, you know you have a higher power behind you.
Decide how long you want to feel sorry for yourself: There's nothing wrong with some self pity but only you can decide how long feeling sorry for yourself is going to serve you. What do you need? A five-minute cry, half a day of moping; a week of feeling upset? Do you need to take a whole block of time all at once, or will certain times of the day suffice? The time you need is entirely up to you. The purpose of taking this time out is to prevent victim mode from completely overwhelming you and enable you to refocus your energy in a more positive manner.
Let yourself feel: While you are taking your "feeling sorry for yourself" time out, really let yourself feel all your feelings. Even if it's only for five minutes, find a safe space, set a timer and let it all come out. What's happening within you? Is it sadness, rage, humiliation, pain? Let go and feel it all. Don't deny it and pretend it's not there. If you repress your feelings, they will only bite you back later. The more you allow yourself to feel, the more quickly and efficiently you will be able process what's happening and move on. (If you choose, you can share what you are doing with those that you love and trust. This way they can support you, either by being with you in the moment, or just understanding that you need this time to yourself).
Once you have taken the time to really feel sorry for yourself, you now are ready to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get back on your feet. What's going to help you do that? Take a look at some of the suggestions below.
Be with people who are upbeat and positive: Their high energy will rub off on you. Avoid other victims, negative or sarcastic individuals and people on a downer at this point in time. Surround yourself with those who support and care about you and who will prevent you from slipping back into victim mode.
Complete some unfinished tasks: Even if it's as simple as tidying a desk drawer, RSVPing to an invitation, finishing a report, washing the dishes. Do something that you know will make you feel good once you have done it. Any positive action that you take will energize and revitalize you.
Move your body: Whatever you like to do to move around: make it happen. Whether it's going to the gym, yoga, dancing, an extreme sport you love, or as simple as taking a walk around the block; body movement helps you stay in the present moment and keeps you from ruminating.
Do positive things that make you happy: stay away from negativity right now. Read uplifting books, listen to beautiful music. Treat yourself to something good for you, it could be as simple as cup of coffee in your favourite cafe or a massage; a day out at a spa or a holiday. Be inspired by nature's beauty; what lifts you? Time in the wilderness, in the mountains or by the sea; or simply looking at flowers in a park, spending time in your garden or with your pets? Your soul needs to be warmed up so give it some heart inspiring material to help it.
Stay aware: Pay close attention to how you are feeling, what you are saying to others and your own inner dialogue. This will enable you to know if you are starting to slip into "poor me" mode, and will allow you to decide how you want to manage that.
Now that you have lifted your spirits, its time for you to move on with your life.
Blaming others or the world for your situation is not going to get you anywhere. You know what caused you to initially feel so sorry for yourself. If you still feel it's a challenge, what are you going to do about it? You are the master of your emotions. Unless you want to continue feeling like a victim, you and only you can decide how you want to move forwards. How you wish to proceed is completely your choice. By taking 100 percent responsibility for your situation and your life, you are preventing yourself from blaming others or the system. By taking positive action you are putting yourself back in the driver's seat. Where do you want to head to? What do you want to happen? Keep travelling in the direction you want to go.
Some questions to ponder:
How do you know when you are victim mode?
What is the best way for you to lift yourself out of it?
I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Feel free to comment below. If you wish to contact me directly you can reach me at nesrin@nesrineverett.com or via my website
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